Breaking Down
by blueskies723
Summary: A few months after Danielle's daughter is born, Casey acts strange and starts being in denial. Danielle tries to help her sister, but does Danielle keep her patience or does she leave Casey to deal with her own mess? Author's Note and disclaimer inside.
1. New Lifestyle and Still Pregnant

The Final Book is up. :)

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Law and Order SVU characters, but I do own the characters I create.

Warnings: Like the last four books, there is self-harming material in this book and readers should read with caution if they are easily triggered. There is also a lot of violence(it maybe one sided, but it's definitely violence), hence the major reason why this last book is rated M.

Author's Note:I should also warn the readers that Casey is slightly out of character than the usual tough ADA from Chapter 3 or 4 to the end. But I do believe that Casey's out of character ways makes the book more interesting to read and the ending emotional in some way. I'm pretty sure I was crying when I was editing the end of this book(but then again, I was listening to a depressing Evanescence song when I was editing that part.So in some way, the ending is emotional anyways). Also, there is a lot of psychological aspects(hence, the reason why I'm majoring in Psychology). I should also add that this book is the most intense book in the Casey Series for many reasons.

I hope that you enjoy reading the final book, even though there are some out of character moments. :)

-blueskies723

* * *

August 26th, 2007

I just have one more day until I start college at New York Law School. I wish that I can count the days when Elizabeth Rose (I finally decided to name the baby after my real mother. I figured that it would be appropriate) is born too, except no one knows when she will be born. Hopefully not tomorrow; I don't care about any other day, just not tomorrow.

Casey said that she would laugh if I started contracting tomorrow in class. Ha, funny Casey. I'll be laughing when there's a Casey Novak Jr. in the courtroom.

Well, bedtime for me. Goodnight.

* * *

Since Danielle started going to school, it was Casey who was the first one home. She was working on a case on the couch with the Tv on when Danielle opened the door. Casey looked up and smiled.

"How was your first day?" she asked.

Danielle didn't look happy as she walked over, threw her backpack next to Casey, and took out all the books for her classes.

"I don't know...you tell me" Danielle said.

Casey started laughing.

"What's so funny?" Danielle asked.

"Oh nothing" Casey replied "It's just...I was the same way you are now when I started my first day of law school. Don't worry Danielle, it will get better."

"It better be..."

"Maybe it will get better when you're not pregnant and blown up like a balloon!"

Danielle grabbed her backpack and stormed into her bedroom. Casey went back to working on her case, but couldn't help but chuckle to herself as she reviewed her case.


	2. Birth

August 30th, 2007

So far, Liz is still with me and I'm blown up like a balloon. I love how Casey thinks it's funny. You try being pregnant, Casey.

Meanwhile, school is still a pain, maybe Casey is right though. It might get better when I actually give birth to my daughter.

* * *

Danielle walked through the door of their apartment while Casey was sitting at the kitchen table, eating takeout.

"How was school today?"

"I guess hope you got me something to eat, because I am starving!"

Danielle waddles to the kitchen table and drops her backpack on the floor.

"Okay, so I'm guess that school was good" Casey said as she smiled "And how could I forget your food, Danielle? Come on, I wouldn't forget my sister!"

"Where did you go?"

"The Italian place you love" Casey replied.

"Did you get my usual?"

"Are you seriously asking me that?"

They both look at each other and start laughing.

"Okay Case, you win" Danielle said as she slowly walked past her "I'm just going to get a fork for the pasta, I'll be right back."

Danielle walked into the kitchen and while opening the drawer to get a fork, she felt that something wasn't right.

"Ahhh!"

Casey looked up from her food.

"Danielle, are you all right?"

There was a silence that followed from Casey's question, but Danielle answered thirty seconds later.

"Casey, I think my water broke."

"What do you mean your water broke" Casey said as she got up from her seat and started walking into the kitchen "If you meant a glass broke..."

"No you idiot! My water broke, meaning I'm having the baby!"

Casey gasped as she saw a puddle underneath Danielle and saw that her sister was in pain.

"Okay, come on! Let's go! I'll take you to a hospital!"

* * *

August 31st, 2007

Elizabeth Rose Novak (last name soon to be changed, of course) was born on August 30th, 2007 at 6:48 PM. She weighed 8 pounds, 4 ounces.

Of course, that's the formal way of saying that my daughter was born.

Informally: It was hard to Casey to get a taxi, so we ran to the nearest hospital. And while we were running, she told me to breathe. And believe me; Casey was almost killed by me trying to choke her for saying that.

Anyways, so we got there and everything and then she was born. Casey has Liz in her arms as I write this...

I'm not going to lie, but it's going to be hard saying goodbye. Who knows when I'll see my little girl again?

* * *

Danielle was spending her last moments with her daughter before her adoptive parents would take her to her new home. She was holding her, and realized how she looked like her. The face, the eyes; almost everything was similar to Danielle, except Liz must have Josh's hair.

Casey walked in and sat down next to her sister.

"I can't believe I'm an aunt now" Casey said as she sipped her coffee "I feel old."

Casey stopped talking and looked at Danielle. There were tears in her eyes.

"You're going to miss her, aren't you?"

"Yes, who knows when I'll see her again" Danielle said quietly as she looked at her daughter "Who knows, maybe I'll never see her again..."

"Don't say that" Casey said.

"Why?"

"Because when I left for college, I thought that I'd never see you again" Casey explained "And now, thirteen years later, we're the closest that we've ever been. So don't say that Danielle, because you never know what's going to happen. I know I didn't."

Danielle looked up at Casey and smiled.

"Casey?"

"Yes?"

"Thanks for being an amazing sister" Danielle said.

"No problem, it's my job."


	3. Casey's Denial

November 7th, 2007

It was hard letting Liz go, but I had to. There is never a day when I don't think about my daughter and how she's doing.

Meanwhile, school is getting better. I'm getting mostly A's with my midterm grades. I kick ass, aha. Yeah, my teachers and advisor are amazed by me. And my advisor is my sister's boss, go figure.

Anyways, Casey is working on this big case dealing with a schizophrenic, and for some reason, she's really struggling. I think I'm going to try to help her, or at least give her some advice.

* * *

"Hey Casey, are you working on that big case?"

Casey looked up and saw Danielle walk over and sitting down next to her on the couch. To be honest, Casey didn't want to deal with Danielle, only because she would be asking so many questions about the case.

"Yeah, so leave me alone" Casey snapped.

"I'm only trying to help, Geez."

"Sorry, I'm just having a rough time with this."

"Here, let me see the file."

"Danielle, you haven't even completed your first semester."

"So? It will give me practice" Danielle replied "Come on, let me see."

Casey gave her the folder, even though she didn't want to. Danielle opened the folder and read the case. After a few minutes, Danielle gave her older sister some commentary.

"This is an interesting case. When is the trial?" Danielle asked.

"Tomorrow"

"Really?"

"Yes"

"Well, I think you'd be better as a defense attorney on this case..."

"Excuse me?" Casey asked. She started getting really annoyed with Danielle, and that only happens once in awhile.

"Well, you obviously have sympathy for the guy" Danielle explained "I don't mean to be a bitch or anything, but you're going to have a hard time with this..."

"How can you say that? You don't even know me in a court room."

"This is true, but I do know you outside of the court room, and I have a feeling that your personal life is going to get in the way tomorrow..."

Danielle saw that Casey's eyes were showing her anger, and Danielle knew that her sister was getting angry.

"Don't you have some homework to do?" Casey snapped.

"Yes I do, and I love how you're getting mad at me when I'm trying to help you" Danielle said, trying to be as calm as she could "So I'll just leave you alone."

* * *

Danielle decided to take a break from her homework. Casey was sleeping and had to get up at 6 for work tomorrow.

Luckily for Danielle, she didn't have class tomorrow. She really wanted to see how Casey dealt with this case, so she decided to call Olivia to see what time the trial started.

"Benson."

"Hey Olivia, it's Danielle."

"Hey, is everything okay?"Olivia asked.

"Oh, I'm fine. I couldn't be better."

"That's good to hear."

"I actually had a question about the Picard case. When does the trial start?"

"It starts at 10. Are you going?"

"Yeah, I don't have classes tomorrow. Will you be there?"

"Yes, Elliot's testifying in court."

"Oh, well then I guess I'll see you there."

* * *

November 8th, 2007

Why is it that I'm always right?

Casey definitely blew the case away. She asked Elliot if Picard was crazy. Oh, not to mention that she saw me there, and she looked like she was going to run after me and yell at me for being there. So I ran out of there as soon as Judge Bradley said "Court is adjourned". I freaking ran.

Anyways, Casey should be home soon. Until then, I'm going to work on my homework. I have a paper for my writing class that's due before my thanksgiving break.

* * *

Danielle was typing furiously on her laptop. She wanted to get the paper done as soon as possible, and so far she was on a roll. She was making good progress, until Casey came home.

Danielle could see the imaginary dark rain cloud over her head as Casey walked into the apartment and threw her work bag in the kitchen. Danielle turned around and Casey gave her the nastiest look that a sister could ever give to a sibling.

"Why the hell were you at my trial?" Casey growled.

"I wanted to see how you were going to do" Danielle said "Besides; it's good practice for me to watch others in action."

Casey didn't like that answer as she stormed over to where Danielle was.

"You think you're so smart just because you're a law student..."

"Excuse my language here Case, but what the hell were you doing in that court room today?"

"That's none of your damn business"

Danielle stood up and set her laptop down on the couch.

"It is my business...you're my sister! And I know for a fact, that Casey Elizabeth Novak doesn't let a man or woman go free."

"Well this is different..."

"Oh really?" Danielle asked "So just because the man's schizophrenic just like Charlie means he walks?"

"He didn't deserve to go to jail!"

"Just like Charlie didn't deserve to die!"

"Don't bring Charlie into this!" Casey screamed.

"But I can because he's the reason you drowned your own case!"Danielle screamed "I bet you ten bucks that if I killed someone, you wouldn't let me off easy…or maybe you would be since I have depression and I'm crazy without my meds!"

"That's enough! I'm not going to have some bitch yell at me over something like this!"

"And I'm not going to have a conversation with someone who's in denial! I'm leaving!"

And with Danielle's statement, she stormed out of the apartment and slammed the door behind her.


	4. Payback

November 9th, 2007

I needed to get out. Luckily, my friend Nate from my college didn't mind letting me stay the night.

I have one more class to go, and then I'm going back to the apartment. And while I'm there, I think I'm going to read my sister's diary to see if I can give her a reality check.

* * *

When Danielle got home from school, the first thing she did was throw her backpack on her bed, go into Casey's room, and walked back into her own room with her sister's diary.

She flipped through the pages of the old diary and found the entry that she was looking for:

"May 5th, 2007

Everything was fine today until I got a call from the morgue. They said that the John-Doe that was hit by a bus had my business card, and they said that I might know him. I was confused at first, but then when I saw his face, it all made sense to me.

It was Charlie that was hit by a bus. When they showed me his face, I started bawling my eyes out. How could I let him die like this? Maybe if I protected him and let him back into my life, he would still be alive.

I don't know why I didn't believe in him like I do with my sister, but I feel like I could have prevented this..."

"Perfect" Danielle whispered. She was going to give her sister the best reality check she would ever get.

* * *

When Casey walked into her apartment, she didn't expect Danielle to be standing at the kitchen table with her own diary. Casey started to get mad as soon as she saw Danielle with her diary.

"What the hell are you doing with my diary?" Casey asked in an angry tone.

"Giving you a reality check" Danielle said as she opened the diary.

"I don't need a reality check..."

"'It was Charlie that was hit by a bus. When they showed me his face, I started bawling my eyes out...'"

"Give me my diary now!"

Casey ran to Danielle, only to find her sister pushing her back as she continued reading.

"'How could I let him die like this? Maybe if I protected him and let him back into my life, he would still be alive.'" Danielle stopped reading the diary "Oh and this is my favorite part" she sneered "' I don't know why I didn't believe in him like I do with my sister, but I feel like I could have prevented this...'"

As Danielle finished reading what she needed to read, Casey grabbed Danielle's arm and took the diary away from her sister. Danielle knew she was furious, but she also saw the tears starting to form in Casey's eyes.

"Why would you do this to me?" Casey asked.

"I don't know, why do you think that you didn't believe in Charlie like you do me?"Danielle asked "You know, for an older sister, you're such a hypocrite."

"I am not a hypocrite!"

"Oh, so if I start cutting myself again and not taking my meds, are you going to deal with me or are you going to kick me out like you did with Charlie..."

"Shut the hell up!" Casey screamed, as she pushed Danielle to the floor "I don't know why you're doing this to me, but I don't like it! You couldn't possibly understand what I went through with Charlie or you, so don't you assume anything about me!"

Casey ran past Danielle and slammed her bedroom door. What she didn't realize was she pushed Danielle, causing her younger sister to freeze and think back to the days when she lived with her parents.


	5. Hurt

November 10th, 2007

I'm not letting her get the best of me; not this time. I'm taking my meds and working on my homework. I'm not going to be in denial and let myself fall, because that's exactly what Casey is doing.

* * *

Danielle was eating supper when Casey came home that night. Casey walked past Danielle and went in her room, while Danielle continued eating her supper. Suddenly, Casey came back out with an empty vodka bottle in her hand.

"Did you touch this?" Casey asked. Danielle already knew that she was starting to get angry.

"I don't know. Are you going to throw me out of my chair and throw me through the floor like you almost did last night?" Danielle asked.

Casey didn't say anything as Danielle continued eating her food.

"No" Casey replied a few seconds later "I'm surprised that you're not cutting yourself after that..."

"I'm taking my meds and not being in denial, unlike some people in this apartment."

Casey threw the vodka bottle against the wall and the bottle broke into many pieces that flew everywhere.

"You have some fucking nerve, Danielle" Casey snapped "At least I'm not being a bitch."

Casey walked back to her room and slammed the door.

* * *

When Danielle knew it was a safe bet that Casey was sleeping, she went to check on her. Danielle realized that yes, she might be a little harsh and mean to Casey, but she wanted her to realize that she was in denial about almost everything these days.

Danielle opened the door and saw Casey lying on her back. She quietly walked closer to her sleeping sister, and wasn't ready to see what she saw. Danielle saw a few small cuts on Casey's left arm, and couldn't believe that her sister was doing this. She had to walk out of Casey's room and go into her own room. She shut her door to her bedroom while crying for her sister.

* * *

November 11th, 2007

Maybe Casey is similar to our mom after all.

Why Casey? Why?

* * *

Danielle sat on the couch with tears in her eyes, and the tears falling out of her eyes were real. She was worried for her sister, just like Casey was worried for Danielle when she first came to visit.

When Danielle heard Casey unlocking the door, she curled up in a ball and started looking at the Tv that wasn't on. When Casey opened the door and saw Danielle, she knew that she did something wrong. Casey walked over to Danielle and saw her crying.

"Hey, are you okay?" Casey asked.

"I don't know. Should I be feeling okay?"

"What are you talking about?"

"I'm talking about this!"

Danielle stood up and rolled up Casey's sleeve to reveal the cuts on her sister's arm. Casey was shocked as Danielle looked in her eyes.

"How did you know?"

"I went to check up on you when you were sleeping" Danielle said quietly "Casey, I'm really worried about you..."

Casey saw that Danielle's eyes were filled with not only tears, but they were full of worry. She knew that she made Danielle upset.

"I thought that I would never see those cuts on you, ever" Danielle said as she started to cry "And now I'm wondering if we're both like mom...if we both have depression..."

Danielle couldn't say anymore to her sister. She ran in the kitchen, grabbed the scissors and slammed her door shut. Casey was still frozen in time. Usually, she would stop her sister; but these days, she couldn't even stop herself.


	6. Helping Casey

November 19th, 2007

This is stupid. A lot of things are stupid these days. Casey's in denial and won't admit it and I don't know why. Well, if she wants to be depressed like I was, fine. I have better things to do than tend to my sister.

I'm in the library working on my paper that's due tomorrow. I can't work at home because it's too awkward and uncomfortable for me. I think my friend Nate is suppose to meet me here and we were going to work together on our papers. I like friends that are normal...

* * *

"Okay, so it's 10 pages?"Nate asked "Wow Danielle, that's 2 pages over the limit!"

"He said we could go over if we had to."

"Did you get accepted to NYU for your psychology degree?"

"Yes, they loved my mid-term grades for here" Danielle said "So I'm starting there next year since I can't take thier intro class in the spring"

"That's great. Wow, I don't think I could double major like you are."

"I'm surprised that I'm doing so well..."

"What do you mean?"

Danielle turned the page to Nate's paper and was continued proofreading. She didn't want to say anything more, and he knew that.

"Danielle?"

"Sorry, I'm reading your paper" Danielle said as she looked up "I guess you could say that I've been through a lot for the past three years of my life."

"You know, I feel like something else is bothering you" Nate said.

"There is."

"Will you tell me what it is?"Nate asked.

"It's my sister" Danielle replied "I think she has depression like I do, except she's in denial about it."

"Well, did she know that you had depression?"

"Yes, and she did everything in her power to make me feel better" Danielle said "She got me out of my stupid house in Connecticut and made me take my meds and see a therapist. I don't see the therapist anymore because my meds are working and I'm feeling better..."

"Well, then do the same thing that she did to you" Nate said "Do everything in your power to make her better. Make her see a therapist and see what happens."

"Nate, I don't know what I'd do without you. I got to go..."Danielle said "Your paper looks fine to me."

"Wait, where are you going?"Nate asked.

"I'm calling my therapist and setting up an appointment for my sister."

* * *

November 19th, 2007

I called Dr.Carney and set up an appointment: November 26th at 7 pm, since Casey gets out of work by 6 on Mondays.

I can't believe I'm doing this. Shouldn't it be the other way around?

* * *

"Hey Casey, do you want to walk with me to get supper?"

Danielle was about to walk out the door, and hopefully Casey decided to come along. Her wish was granted.

"Sure, just let me change my shoes."

Casey took off her high heel shoes and put on her sneakers. Danielle noticed that there were more cuts on her sister's arm. She didn't say anything, but she had thoughts racing in her mind.

"Okay, let's go."

The girls walked out of the apartment complex a minute later. The therapist's office was only a street or two away; and it was already 6:40. Danielle tried to make regular conversation with Casey as they started walking.

A few minutes later, they were in front of the therapist's office. While Casey kept walking, Danielle stopped in front of the office. Casey turned around and saw her sister standing there.

"What are you doing?" Casey asked.

"Oh, I need to talk to Dr.Carney and ask her about the psych major at NYU."

"Do you have to do that right now?"

"Yes"

"Fine, but we need to make it quick so we can get supper."

* * *

"You tricked me!" Casey yelled in Dr.Carney's office before her appointment.

"Casey, it's for your own good" Danielle said.

"I'm fine Danielle! I don't see why you dragged me in here!

"Because you're in denial about being fine! That's why!"

Dr.Carney shut the door and sat down in her seat.

"Casey, you're being really loud" Dr.Carney said.

"I think I have the right to be..."

"No, you don't" Danielle said "I don't understand why you're yelling and I certainly don't understand why you're in denial!"

"I'm not in denial!"Casey yelled.

"Casey, what the hell?" Danielle asked as she started crying "You're not telling me anything and if you are, you're always yelling at me. And you're hurting yourself..."

"She's hurting herself?" Dr.Carney asked.

"Yes" Danielle replied "It started ever since I was trying to help her. When I was trying to give her a reality check..."

Danielle couldn't say anything because she was crying really hard. Dr.Carney reached over for her kleenex box and gave it to Danielle.

"Have you been hurting yourself, Danielle?"

"No, I haven't cut myself since the end of January" Danielle replied "I've been taking my meds, and I feel great. But ever since Casey started acting like this, I feel so hopeless."

"How has she been acting?"

"She's either a depressed mope like I was, or she starts screaming at me when I try to talk to her. She shoved me down on the floor once..."

"Casey, is that true?"Dr.Carney asked.

"No..."

"There it is again" Danielle cried "She's always in denial. Always..."

Danielle reached for a couple kleenex and blew her nose.

"Casey, why aren't you talking to your sister? It seems like she can talk to you."

Casey didn't say anything, and Danielle just wanted to give up.

"You know what, Case?" Danielle said "I've been trying to help you since Charlie died, and all you've ever done was be in denial about that. I know you loved him, but I thought you moved on. I can't deal with you anymore, Casey. You either get help or I'm moving..."

"You wouldn't" Casey snapped.

"Believe me, it's getting to the point where I'm uncomfortable living with you" Danielle said. Casey heard the angry tone in her voice "I've been there for you, and all you've been doing is pushing me away. I can't take it anymore."


	7. Walking Away

November 26th, 2007

I think Casey is mad at me for bringing her to Dr.Carney, but I don't care. She needs help, and every time I've been trying to help her, she's been pushing me away. At least I didn't push her away, and if I did, it was only because I wasn't taking my meds.

I called Nate when I got home and asked if I could move in with him. He asked why and I told him it's a long story and I'd tell him tomorrow. He asked when he wanted to help me move out, and I told him that tomorrow afternoon after our class would be great.

I can't help but think that I might be acting like Casey when it came to Charlie. Casey got to the point where she was sick of his actions, kicked him out, and sent him to Bellview. This is ironic.

Well, I'm going to wait until Casey goes to bed, and then I'm going to start packing. She's never going to see me again.

* * *

"I think that's the last of it" Danielle said as they walked out of the apartment complex.

Nate unlocked his car and put the last of Danielle's things in his SUV. Danielle got into his car and Nate joined her, starting his car a few seconds later after he closed the car. As Nate was driving to his place in Queens, Danielle didn't say a word and looked out the window. This was the hardest thing anyone had to do; leave someone she loved.

"Hey, are you okay?"Nate asked.

"Yeah, I'm fine."

"Are you sure you want to do this?"

Danielle didn't say anything and looked back out the passenger window. She wasn't sure if she wanted to do this, but she had to so she could safe herself from the same thing; depression.

* * *

"Danielle, I'm home!"

Casey walked into the apartment and didn't hear any familiar noise like she usually would. She put her work bag down on the couch and started walking to Danielle's room.

Casey opened the door and didn't expect to see what she saw. She saw the entire room was empty, with the exception of the furniture in the room. Casey did see something out of place, a yellow piece of paper on the desk. She walked over, picked up the piece of paper, and opened it.

"Casey,

I'm sorry that I had to do this, but I did. I couldn't deal with us yelling everyday, the cuts on your arms, or the fact that I tried to help you and you kept pushing me away. This is a hard thing to do, moving away. You were the best thing that ever happened to me, even though you weren't always there when I was growing up. But ever since my first visit here, your smile and her attitude towards life has always brightened my day. And even though I didn't like talking to you about a lot of things until this year, you were still there; something that I can't do anymore.

I don't know why you're like this, and why you don't want to seek help...but I do know that something is bothering you. I don't know what it is, but I wish you all the best. Hopefully, you don't end up where I did back in the day...

Love,

Danielle"

Casey dropped the note, and looked back at all the good times with her sister.

"Oh god" she thought "What did I do?"

Then she did something that shocked herself; she picked up the phone and called Dr.Carney.

* * *

"Hey, I know this is hard on you" Nate said "I know that if I had to leave anyone I loved alone like that, I'd feel guilty too."

"Yeah, but what if she tries to kill herself like I did?" Danielle asked.

"You tried killing yourself?"

"You seem shocked."

"Well, you always seem like the emotionally stable type of girl" Nate said.

"The only reason why I'm emotionally stable is because I'm taking my meds" Danielle snapped "And if I didn't, you'd know what I'm talking about."

Nate stood in front of her and put his arms around her.

"I'd like to know more about you, actually" Nate said with a smile on his face.

"What are you saying to me?"

"I'm saying that we should be in a relationship."

Nate decided not to finish his sentence and kissed Danielle.


	8. No Pressure

February 14th, 2008

Well, everything is great. I'm still living at Nate's apartment, and we've been dating for almost 3 months. Except, I can't trust him completely since Josh raped me, and I don't have as much trust as I usually do.

Meanwhile, going to New York Law School is great. I got 2 A's, an A- and an B last semester. I kick ass. The classes are somewhat harder this semester, but I'll get by with at least B's. I love school though, I'm really glad that I decided to major in law and psychology. I can't wait until next year when I'm taking psych classes at NYU!

I haven't heard from Casey since I moved out. I'm not sure if that's a good thing or not. It could mean that she didn't care, she tried to kill herself, or she's dead. Actually, I lied. If she was dead, Olivia would have called me. I asked her to look out for Casey, since I couldn't. Even though I seemed really cold to my older sister, I pray for her everyday...

Well, Nate's home from work and he's cooking dinner. Oh la la! Let's see how his cooking compares to everyone else!

* * *

"Hmmm, this is really good" Danielle said as she took a bite of her supper "I'm really surprised that you can cook."

"Can you cook?"

"No" Danielle replied with a smile "Don't ever trust me in the kitchen."

Nate laughed and held Danielle's hand. They just finished dinner, and the candles on the table were still burning.

"What do we do now?" Danielle asked.

"Well, I wanted to have your permission, but I did want to ask first" Nate said.

"And what's that?"

"Would you like to make love to me?"

Danielle couldn't help but laugh. She wasn't laughing at the fact that he asked, but it was the way he asked that made it so funny.

"Nate, I'm so sorry" Danielle said as she calmed herself down "I didn't mean to laugh at you! It was just the way you asked it, it was really funny..."

"I didn't know how else to word it" Nate said as he smiled.

"Well..."

Danielle wasn't sure if she wanted to. She felt pressured, and she knew that she didn't want to take the chance of being raped.

"Nate, I need to be honest with you" Danielle said quietly "I'm not ready."

"Are you a virgin?"

"Technically, no..."

"Then what's the big deal?"Nate asked.

Danielle didn't say anything at first, but Nate saw the tears in her eyes.

"Babe, what's wrong?"Nate asked "Am I being too harsh?"

"No, it's not you, Nate" Danielle said "The big deal is, I was raped almost a year ago. I don't think I'm ready for the physical part of this relationship..."

Danielle started crying. Nate got up from his seat and gave Danielle a hug.

"I'm so sorry Nate..."

"Please don't be sorry" Nate said as he let go, sat back down in his seat, and held her hand "It wasn't your fault that you were raped..."

"Now you're sounding like my sister before she started acting strange" Danielle said quietly.

Danielle looked down at their hands. She started thinking about her sister, and how she was the one that let Casey down.

"Danielle?"

Danielle looked up.

"You're still thinking about Casey, aren't you?"

Danielle shook her head.

"I think about her every minute of every day...how can I not?"

"Look, I know that you deal with a lot" Nate said "Why don't we just go to the bedroom and cuddle. I'm not going to pressure you into doing something you're not ready for. Maybe we can watch Tv; it will make you not think about your sister..."

Nate got up from his seat, still holding Danielle's hand. Danielle got up from the kitchen table and Nate led her into their bedroom to relax.


	9. Surprise Visit

February 18th, 2008

I'm so glad that Nate understood and didn't pressure me. I'm so glad that he's mine, and I'm definitely starting to fall in love with him. I have never felt this way before, and it feels so great.

I just got home from school, and Nate's working until 8 tonight. I need to work on a small paper due in a week. I got to get ahead of these things.

* * *

Danielle was sitting at the kitchen table, working on the paper that was due in a week. She was typing quickly, knowing what to write and how to write it in her paper. She never liked academic papers, but since she's majoring in law, her papers are most interesting to write.

When she was done with the second page of the paper, someone knocked on the apartment door.

"I'm coming!" Danielle said loudly as she got up and walked to the door. She didn't look through the peephole; she thought it was Nate who forgot his keys and was on his thirty minute break. But when Danielle opened the door, she was shocked.

"Casey!?"

She couldn't believe it. Her older sister was standing in front of her; she didn't expect Casey to find her here. She didn't expect for her sister to go looking for her.

"I figure that I'd come visit"

"Sure" Danielle said "Come on in!"

Danielle opened the door all the way and Casey walked in.

"Nice place" Casey noted as she walked to the couch and sat down. Danielle sat down in the chair next to the couch and looked at Casey.

"So how did you know where I was?"

"I know that you and Nate are close" Casey said "I figured that you would come here first"

"I don't mean to be rude or anything, but you seem…normal."

Casey weakly smiled at Danielle's comment.

"Well, after reading your note I realized that you were right" Casey said "I was in denial, except I didn't want to reveal that you were right. So I decided to go into the out-patient program at Bellview and see."

"Casey, I'm shocked."

"I shocked myself after I made those two calls" Casey said as she laughed.

"So, you're not a mope and you're not hurting yourself anymore?" Danielle asked.

Danielle didn't expect Casey to unroll her sleeves to her suit. Danielle only saw the old scars, which shocked Danielle even more.

"Not only that, but I'm taking medication for my bipolar disorder."

"I didn't know you had bipolar disorder" Danielle said.

"I didn't either until I went to Bellview."

Danielle didn't know what to say. She was shocked by the diagnosis and the fact that Casey was determined to get help.

"Wow Case, how...why..."

"I didn't do it for myself" Casey explained "I mean, that was the main reason but I also did it for you. I didn't want the roles to reverse, and I'm sorry that it did. Also, I couldn't help to think that you were acting just like me when I left Charlie..."

"Casey, I didn't mean to" Danielle said "It's just…it was too much."

"That was the same reason why I left Charlie..."

"Was Charlie's death the reason why everything happened in November?" Danielle asked.

"I'm going to be honest with you. I was never over Charlie's death. It may have seemed like it, but I never was. It was the major thought that was in my head. And then the Picard case..."

"You wanted to help him because you didn't help Charlie..."

"Exactly" Casey said "Danielle, I'm just really sorry that I dragged you into that. Can you forgive me?"

"Of course, Case" Danielle replied with a smile on her face "I can't be mad at my sister forever."

"Good, because I have another question to ask."

"Go ahead and ask"

"Will you move back in with me?" Casey asked "It's really lonely without you there to come home to."

"Do you promise that you are getting better?" Danielle asked. She was unsure about giving Casey a second chance. She was thinking about how it could work, especially if Casey doesn't take her medication and go back to her old ways. She wanted to be reassured by Casey.

"I am, and I do promise you that I'm getting better"

"In that case, I'd love to move back in."


	10. Dangerous Game

May 6th, 2008

I'm so glad that I moved back in the apartment with my sister, and that she's back in my life. I always knew something was missing when I was living with Nate, and it was the fact that Casey wasn't in my life.

School is over for me! Yes! I got mostly B's and one A, but it works out for me, since I'm getting an 3.34 GPA.

Nate and I are still dating; it's been almost 6 months. Where has the time gone? But he is a nice guy, and I'm glad that we gave each other a chance.

I think I'm going to bed. Goodnight everyone.

* * *

Danielle was watching Tv on the couch when Casey opened the door and walked in. Danielle turned around at her, and then at the clock.

"Working overtime I see" Danielle said as Casey joined her sister on the couch.

"I'm working on a big case that I can't seem to win."

"Can I see?" Danielle asked "I may not be an expert, but I am going to be a lawyer someday."

"Sure, let me get it."

Casey opened her work bag and gave Danielle the folder. She opened the folder and read the case out loud.

"A rape and murder; the only witness is an illegal immigrant?"

"The defense attorney badgered the witness" Casey snapped.

"I wouldn't blame them. I'm totally against illegal immigration" Danielle said.

"Glad you see this in my perspective..."

"Hey, everyone has different options about everything" Danielle said "It says in your notes that there's DNA evidence linking the defense to the crime."

"Except it's only a partial profile."

"Casey, if you think you can get away with that in course, you're crazy" Danielle said "I wouldn't even bring that evidence into court."

"You're not the one representing this case."

"Oh yes, because I'm not technically a lawyer" Danielle said sarcastically as she gave the folder back to her sister "I did the research Case, and you're asking for big trouble."

"And you're only my sister and a first year law student. Stay out"

Casey got up from the couch and stormed away. Danielle couldn't help but sigh as she wondered if Casey was back to her old ways.

* * *

May 8th, 2008

The trial was today, and it went downhill when Chester Lake took the stand.

I knew it. I knew that the defense would find out that the evidence was too degrading to find out whose DNA it was. I knew it, and does Casey listen to me? No, because I'm just a law student. Well Casey, I may not be a lawyer, but at least I'm not that stupid.

But maybe she's not stupid. I have a feeling that she's not taking her medication. Who knows why she isn't, but I hope she knows that she's only ruining her life again.

* * *

Casey got home late that night and when she walked into her apartment at around nine, she saw Danielle standing between the living room and the kitchen.

"Casey, you're screwed" Danielle snapped.

"Excuse me?"

"I went to Trial today, and you know just as well as I do that you're losing that case."

"You can't say for sure if I'm losing it or not" Casey snapped. She threw her work bag near the kitchen table and started walking towards the couch.

"'Oh, you're only a law student!'" Danielle sneered "Well, I may not be a lawyer, but I know that I wouldn't pull a stupid stunt..."

"It wasn't stupid! It was the only evidence we had!"

"And that evidence was degraded and not even worth using in the courtroom! Danielle screamed

"Don't tell me that you wouldn't do the same thing."

"I'm not as stupid as you, Cassandra Elizabeth Novak, and you know it."

Casey lost control and threw her work bag at Danielle. The bag hit Danielle in the face, and instead of crying like she would have in the past, she ran over to her sister and punched her in the stomach. Casey cried in pain and crouched down for a few seconds. Then she got back up, with a fierce look in her green eyes.

"I ought to arrest you for assaulting me" Casey growled.

"Go right ahead and try to arrest me" Danielle snapped "But at least I wouldn't put my career in jeopardy just so I could win a case."

Danielle stormed out of the apartment and slammed the door behind her, because she couldn't stand to see her sister act the way she was; in denial.


	11. Fighting Doesn't Solve Anything

May 9th, 2008

I stayed at Nate's for the night. I let to let off some steam, so I ran and listened to my angry music.

And regardless of what Casey said, I'm still waiting her drown in court. I'm outside the courtroom as we speak...

* * *

Danielle didn't expect Casey to come home at around eleven at night. She turned around and saw her sister in tears.

"What's wrong with you?"

"Why do you care?"

"I care because my sister is home crying" Danielle replied "What's going on, Case?"

"I'm being brought against the BAR because of the case."

"Oh well, you get what you deserve..."

"Shut up Danielle!" Casey yelled as she continued crying "You were right, okay? I shouldn't have done what I did. You were looking out for me, and I didn't care."

"Because you wanted to win the case so badly..."

"Because that's what I do" Casey snapped "I rarely lose a case."

Casey threw her work bag at the kitchen wall.

"Guess I won't need my work bag anymore."Casey said quietly as she walked over to Danielle.

"When are you going in front of the BAR?"

"May 22nd" Casey said.

"Did someone say what the possible consequences are?" Danielle asked.

"Censure, possible suspension of a year or more..."

"Hmm...I'm not sure I know what Censure means..."Danielle said.

"They pretty much criticize me for my actions in court..."

"Like I have for the past 3 days?"

"I love how you think this is funny" Casey snapped "Tell me, Ms. I know everything, how the hell are we going to pay for this apartment if I'm suspended? It's 550 a month..."

"I do have a job, you know" Danielle said.

"Yeah, but you don't even make that much in a month."

"Well at least I'll have a job..."

"One more comment like that, and I'm throwing you out! Casey screamed as she took off her shoes and threw them at Danielle. One of them hit Danielle in the arm, and the other one just barely missed her head. Casey marched to her room and slammed the bedroom door behind her.

* * *

May 17th, 2008

Let me mention how horrible the past week has been...

First of all, I guess Casey refuses to work (since she can until her hearing) and all she does is mope around the house. What the hell? At least if I was getting suspension, I'd work until I had to.

I also found out that Casey hasn't been taking her medication for the past two weeks. I have a feeling that: she thought she was cured and stopped taking her medication. But everyone knows that people with this mental illness need to take their meds! I believe that people with depression can slowly get better without medication, but I did my research: people with bipolar disorder are stuck with their illness for the rest of their life. Casey should have known that before she was ill;she prosecuted a sixteen year old who killed a young girl because she wasn't taking her meds for her bipolar disorder(I went to part of the trial since I was living with Casey at the time)!

Casey without her medication is not a good site to see, especially when she's in a manic state. On Wednesday, she decided to start a fight about "Danielle not replacing the shampoo in the shower". It turned into a full blown fight, and I had to defend myself until the police decided to knock on the door. I opened the door and saw that my face was covered with cuts. They were about to arrest Casey, but I told them that she had bipolar disorder, and that I was trying to take her to Bellview. So the police left, and I did try to bring Casey there, but she only screamed "Screw you!" and locked herself in her room.

Does this sound familiar to anyone? It's the Charlie and Casey story again, except I'm Casey and my sister is Charlie.

I honestly wish this would end…

* * *

"Are you going to your sister's hearing?"

Nate and Danielle was sitting on the couch. Danielle ran out of her apartment because the fighting started up again. Tomorrow was Casey's hearing; Danielle knew that the right thing to do was to support her sister. Except she didn't care, and Casey already told her not to bother going because "obviously Danielle doesn't give a shit."

"No."

"Why?"

"Nate, why the hell do you think I've been coming here almost every night?" Danielle snapped "She's driving me insane, and I'm not even the insane one!"

"And I think she's hurting you more than you think..."

"What do you mean?" Danielle asked.

"Look at you!" Nate shouted "Look at all of the cuts and bruises on your face! Look at yourself, Danielle! You look like someone wants to kill you!

"At least I'm defending myself" Danielle said in an angry tone.

"And yet you still look like you're being abused by your older sister" Nate said "Casey needs to go to a mental hospital or needs to be forced to take her meds! You know that!"

"Do you really think that's going to matter? She doesn't even care!"

"Jesus, now I think you're acting like your sister. You don't care about anything!"

"I do care!" Danielle yelled as she grabbed her backpack "You try being in the same situation! Until then, I don't want to talk to you!"


	12. Too Late to Apologize

May 22nd, 2008

Today is the day when we all find out what Casey's punishment is for breaking Brady violations.

I don't know what's going on with Nate and me. Last night ended really sour. Although that's the only fight we had, so I'm not sure. I have a feeling that it's over, though.

I'm so sick of everything and everyone these days. I wish I was in school; because at least then I wouldn't give a shit about what's going on, but I'm starting to. Everything is affecting me, especially my sister. I know that I shouldn't be going back, but I am. I decided not to take my medication and start cutting myself again. I don't know why I'm cutting, since Casey beats me up anyways. Maybe it's because it's my own stress reliever; my own way of not caring about myself anymore.

The truth is: I could try to kill myself right now and no one would care; even I wouldn't care…

* * *

"The censure part of the hearing was today" Casey said over the phone "I have to go back in tomorrow about my disciplinary part."

Danielle was watching Tv while Casey was on the apartment phone with Olivia.

"You might as well find another ADA for the squad. I'm most likely being suspended."

"Not that you were a good ADA anyways..."

Danielle said it quietly, and didn't expect Casey to hear what she said. Casey did hear it, and started getting furious.

"Olivia, can I call you back? Okay, bye."

Casey hung up the phone, got up from the kitchen table, walked over to Danielle and stood in front of her.

"Case, I'm trying to watch this."

"Well, you can't anymore" Casey said as she grabbed the remote and shut the TV off.

"Hey!"

"You have some nerve talking shit, you know that?"

"What the hell did I say?" Danielle asked.

"'Not that you were a good ADA Anyways!?'" Casey mimicked "You're not even a Lawyer!"

"At least I know right from wrong in the courtroom!"

"Oh give me a break!" Casey shouted"I love how you think you know everything, even though you're stupid enough to get pregnant and have a kid!"

"That has nothing to do with anything! You know what we should be arguing about? We should be fighting about whether we should put you in a straightjacket or whether I should give up, pack and leave this fucking place!"

Danielle started getting angry. She didn't want to physically fight her sister again, so she got up from the couch and started walking to her room. Casey followed and saw Danielle packing clothes in one of her bags.

"What are you doing?" Casey asked.

"I'm moving far away from you!" Danielle yelled,trying not to cry "I'm so sick of you, Casey! All you ever do is start fights with me! Clearly, you're not taking your meds and you're in a manic stage! Your bipolar disorder is affecting my life! I'm starting to yell at my own boyfriend!"

"It's not my problem."

"It will be your problem tomorrow when you find out what your consequence is and realize how much you screwed up your life!"

Casey had enough of what Danielle was saying. She walked over, grabbed one of her arms, and dug her nails into her sister's arm.

"Ow Case! What the hell!?"

Suddenly, both of them saw blood soaking through Danielle's sleeve. Casey grabbed Danielle's arm and unrolled the sleeves. She saw the familiar cuts on Danielle.

"What the hell is this!?" Casey asked loudly, but instead of getting mad she started crying "You're cutting yourself again!?"

Casey let go of Danielle's arm and she held her bleeding arm so she could stop the bleeding that her sister caused. Between the time that Casey found the cuts and the time that Danielle was putting pressure on her arm, she realized how much damage she was causing her sister.

"Oh No, Danielle, I'm so sorry..."

"It's too late to apologize this time Casey" Danielle said as she started crying "You were into your manic stage that you didn't even care about how worried I was about you. I'm leaving, and you're never going to see me again."


	13. Forgive Me

May 24th, 2008

It's hard to believe, but I actually called my dad and asked to stay there for the summer. I told him what was happening with Casey, and he said that I could come back.

So I'm back. Nate and I broke up, and I left Casey for the second time in my life.

The good news is that my dad divorced my step-mom after the family court hearing. I guess that brightened up my day.

I'm glad that I left before it was too late for me. I had to save myself, just like Casey had to when Charlie wasn't taking his meds.

I hate how everything in my life is so similar to my sister, sometimes.

* * *

Danielle and her father were watching Tv when the phone rang. He got up from the chair and walked to the other side of the room to answer the phone.

"Hello? Yes, this is her father. Oh no.Thank you for calling, Bye."

He hung up the phone and looked at Danielle. She knew that he was not happy; he actually looked like he was going to cry.

"What's wrong?" Danielle asked.

"Your sister, Casey, she tried to...kill herself..."

He couldn't say anything else; he walked out of the room and walked up the stairs. Danielle couldn't believe it and started crying. She realized that it might be her fault that she tried to kill herself, and that she realized that she had to be there for her sister.

* * *

A few hours later, Danielle's dad was walking down the stairs and was getting ready for work. But he saw a note with his work things. He picked it up and read it:

"Dad,

I'm going back to NYC to see how Casey is doing. Please don't get mad at me for borrowing the car, because it might have been my fault that she tried to kill herself. Call me if you need anything! I'll be back by tomorrow night, I promise.

Love, Danielle"

He weakly smiled to himself,picked up the phone in the kitchen, and called Danielle.

"Hello?"

"Hey, it's me" he said

"Hey dad, you're not mad at me for borrowing the car, are you?"Danielle asked.

"No, because I know that I would do the same thing. What time do you think you'll be home tomorrow?"

"I'll be home around ten or eleven."

"Sounds good to me" he said.

"Okay, bye dad."

* * *

May 26th, 2008

I can't believe this is happening. I guess when I left; she went into a depressive state and tried to kill herself.

I called the hospital when I was near New Haven. They said they she had alcohol poisoning along with a big cut on her left wrist. The doctor said that she was lucky and that if she cut her wrist any deeper, she wouldn't be able to use her left hand. The doctor also recommended that Casey should be admitted into a mental facility for a few months.

But I know what it feels like; I know now how Casey felt with Charlie. I feel the guilt she felt when she had to leave, and when he was killed by a bus. This guilt is unbearable for me; I should have stayed with her, even though she would have still driven me crazy. It would have been costly for the both of us either way if I stayed: I would have killed myself or Casey would have attempted to murder me because I was getting on her nerves.

I don't want to feel this guilt like she did; it's too much for me, especially when I still haven't taken my medication.

I'm going to visit Casey now.

* * *

The nurse showed Danielle the room. She thanked the nurse and walked in, shutting the door behind her.

Danielle walked up to Casey, but she found that Casey was sleeping. She grabbed the chair from the other side of the room, moved the chair next to Casey's bed, and sat down. She watched Casey sleep; she only wondered what would have happened if Danielle actually took her sister to Bellview. Even if Casey didn't have her job as a lawyer, she would still have her sanity. Danielle grabs the locket that she has worn everyday since she got in three years ago. She opened the locket and looked at the picture of Casey carrying Danielle on her back after graduation. Danielle started crying; they looked so happy.

After she started crying, Casey was slowly opening her eyes. It didn't look like it; but Casey was surprised to see her younger sister sitting next to her.

"Danielle? I didn't think you'd be here."

"Casey, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have left you" Danielle said "I feel so guilty. I feel like I caused you to attempt to kill yourself."

"That's not true" Casey said "It wasn't you; it was the fact that I hurt you that got to me, but it wasn't just that either..."

"What happened?"Danielle asked.

"My law license is suspended for a year and a half" Casey said "That was the major reason why I tried to kill myself. I mean, what the hell am I suppose to do for a year and a half?"

"I know that you shouldn't have given up" Danielle said "Or at least the Casey I knew wouldn't have given up like this."

Danielle looked down and started to cry. When she started crying again, she reached for the Kleenex and wiped her eyes.

"I'm sorry about what happened this month, Danielle. I'm sorry I made you leave…"

"Don't blame yourself" Danielle said quietly "It was my choice to leave, not yours. I wish I could have helped you…"

"But you had to save yourself"

Danielle looked up at sister, and realized that Casey knew what she was talking about.

"I'm not stupid, Danielle" Casey said "I had to save myself before Charlie did anymore damage to me almost six years ago. I know what you're going through right now; I was in the same position…"

"But this is different" Danielle explained "You left your ex-fiance, and yes, it did have an effect. But it doesn't compare to me leaving my sister. This is different; you can't just leave your sibling behind. 

You've been a great sister and been there for the eighteen years of my life,even when you weren't there with me. You were there when I was crashing, why couldn't I do the same?"

"You couldn't because this is more serious than your condition" Casey replied "Besides, I'm the older one. The older sibling usually has a better idea on how to watch out for the younger one."

"It doesn't matter if you're the older sibling or not" Danielle explained "You're my sister, and nothing is ever going to change that."


End file.
